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Posted 5/20/2006 7:08:32 PM


Whose goin 4 a pint???

Whose goin 4 a pint???


Last Login: 7/17/2022 12:06:22 PM
Posts: 2,910, Visits: 4,045
Lets keep all funnies here.



DE 66 IS COMING........

Believe and succeed

Post #50520
Posted 5/25/2006 2:10:43 PM


Whose goin 4 a pint???

Whose goin 4 a pint???


Last Login: 7/17/2022 12:06:22 PM
Posts: 2,910, Visits: 4,045
A young Irish lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."
The manager liked the Irish kid so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
 
After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"
The little Irish lad said "One."
The manager groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale for?"
"£101,237.64." He replied.
 
The manager choked and exclaimed "?101,237.64? What the hell did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then ,I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".
 
The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?".
"No no no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said .........'Well, since your weekend's f*cked, you might as well go fishing."


DE 66 IS COMING........

Believe and succeed
Post #50792
Posted 5/25/2006 2:32:10 PM


Useless Forum Member

Useless Forum Member


Last Login: 8/18/2013 12:16:26 AM
Posts: 402, Visits: 1,909
A New Orleans Refugee guy walks into the local welfare
office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.

You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."


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Live life to the Max!
Post #50794
Posted 5/25/2006 2:42:10 PM


Useless Forum Member

Useless Forum Member


Last Login: 8/18/2013 12:16:26 AM
Posts: 402, Visits: 1,909
People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church cape flappin, nostrils flaring and horns peaking.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each  other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had  exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew  without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in  his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill! with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying, AGONY for all  eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope," said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of  me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 44 years."


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Live life to the Max!
Post #50795
Posted 5/29/2006 11:09:37 AM


Useless Forum Member

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Last Login: 8/18/2013 12:16:26 AM
Posts: 402, Visits: 1,909
You might be from a small town if...
 
1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
 
2. You know what 4-H is.
 
3. You ever went to a party that was held about 20 miles down a deserted dirt road.
 
4. You used to drag "main."
 
5. You said the 'F' word and your parents knew within an hour.
 
6. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers since you know which ones would bust you.
 
7. You ever went or thought about going cow-tipping.

8. School gets canceled for a sports team going to State
 
9. You could never buy cigarettes cause all the store clerks knew how old you were.
 
10. When you did find someone old enough to buy smokes for you, you had to drive down country backroads to smoke them.

11. You never missed a Homecoming parade.
 
12. You still go home for Homecoming.
 
13. It was cool to date someone from a neighboring town.
 
14. You had a senior skip day.
 
15. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
 
16. You can't help but date a friend's ex.
 
17. Your car is allways filthy from the dirt backroads.

18. You think that kids who ride skateboards are weird.
 
19. The town next to you is considered "trashy" or snotty" when it is just like your town.
 
20. Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.
 
21. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people."
 
22. The people in the big citydress funny then you pick up on the cool new trend two years later.
 
23. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.
 
24. On Fridays, anyone you want to find can be found at Main Street or the local resturants.
 
25. Weekend excitement involves a trip to Wal-mart.
 
26. Even the ugly people enter beauty contests.
 
27. You decide to walk for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask you if you need a ride.
 
28. Your teachers call you by your older sibling's name.
 
29. The closest "cool stores" are at least 45 miles away.
 
30. You laugh your head off reading this because you know it's true and then forward it to eveyone in
your address book, which is actually half your town


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Live life to the Max!
Post #50950
Posted 5/30/2006 9:54:29 AM


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Last Login: 3/25/2022 5:22:19 AM
Posts: 581, Visits: 421
Okay that's funny.  Livivng in California and then is small town Iowa I can see almost all those things are true here.  YOu know the cops, eveyone knows you and somehow news gets around in hours. 

_______________________________________________
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Post #50961
Posted 6/2/2006 10:38:34 AM


Useless Forum Member

Useless Forum Member


Last Login: 8/18/2013 12:16:26 AM
Posts: 402, Visits: 1,909
.

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Live life to the Max!
Post #51058
Posted 6/19/2006 12:57:30 PM


Useless Forum Member

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Last Login: 8/18/2013 12:16:26 AM
Posts: 402, Visits: 1,909
Anyone like to have this fridge?

And this is what happened to Santa Claus this year when he was supposed to bring me my mountain bike...



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Live life to the Max!

Post #51515
Posted 6/27/2006 9:49:59 AM


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Last Login: 8/18/2013 12:16:26 AM
Posts: 402, Visits: 1,909
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."


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Live life to the Max!
Post #51869
Posted 6/29/2006 12:39:57 PM


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Forum MemberForum MemberForum MemberForum MemberForum MemberForum MemberForum MemberForum Member


Last Login: 8/5/2013 8:59:31 AM
Posts: 148, Visits: 702
I don't usually think these are funny, but this video is hilarious!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRpqrT9tuUA

If you like Star Wars, you'll love it.

Post #51943
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